The Diary of Frodo Baggins
by Escagurlie
Summary: Um.......PLEASE REVIEW THIS!!!!! If you like it, I'll post more of them. Tell me which one you want next. This is the secret diary Frodo-baby never knew he had....errrrrrrr....don't ask. Just read. Tahnks!


Disclaimer: I so do not own Lord of the Rings. How dare you even suggest so! I'm appalled........hmmmm.....you didn't? Oh. Then why are these neccessary. I mean, as one of my reviewers said, has anyone ever really sued over a fanfic? I mean, c'mon. It's a FANFIC! Ah well. I also do not own the line 'pervy hobbit-fancier'. It was made up by some genius who has a lot more smarts than me.  
  
A/N: um.....well...I guess I got inspired by this by reading a different Lord of the Rings diary thing. You can find it if you go to www.full- bloom.net/main.shtml. Yes, that is exactly correct. It's an Orlando Bloom site. Go to 'fun stuff' and there is an icon that has other LOTR diaries. Funnier than mine, but please leave me a review. I haven't gotten one for ages so I guess that's another reason I decided to type this up. Need. Reviews.....aghuaghaguaghgaudghauhudhsnmmntme......(Elfy: Elvish!)heh......anyways.......um.....ya. R/R PUULEEEEZZZZEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
The Diary of Frodo Baggins  
  
Year 3018  
  
September 23  
  
Today, Sam and I left Bag End. Much complaining ensued from a certain gardener about leaving his carrots and veggies behind. Smacked him upside head; dangerous mission has no need for vegetables. Probably a bad move in the long shot. Ah well. Off to Bree to meet crazy old wizard chappie.  
  
  
  
Year3018  
  
September 26  
  
Reached Crickhollow and have gone into Old Forest. Blasted cousins. Merry and Pippin have come too. Drat. Some crazy old willow tree was about to eat the two when some fool came along singing about his yellow boots. Dangerous mission has no need for yellow booted men in blue coats. Dragged off to fool's house to meet freakish river wife and to eat. Stupid Pippin and his eating obsession. Fool of a Took.  
  
  
  
Year3018  
  
September 29  
  
Have finally left crazy yellow-booted man who calls himself Bombadil. Think he may be drinking a bit too much elf wine. Have arrived in Bree. Hope crazy old gate man meets untimely death. Gandalf not here. Met unshaven old bum who calls himself Aragorn instead. Says he is King. King of what? Bums? Insisted we sleep in his room for the night. If asking me, he's just a pervy hobbit-fancier. Stupid pervy hobbit-fancier. Ah well. Pippin is trying to crawl on me, Meery is reading my entries and loud screechy noises are issuing from room across courtyard. Must go.  
  
  
  
Year 3018  
  
September 30  
  
Left Bree. Crazy old gateman has met untimely death. Huzzah! Still no Gandalf.  
  
In other news, pervy hobbit-fancier joined us on quest and is taking us to Rivendell. Sam happy about this. Not so happy when Aragorn tried to convince me to let him carry me up little knoll. Quite agree. Can carry own self. Pippin keeps trying to crawl on me when am asleep. Fool of a Took.  
  
  
  
Year3018  
  
October 6  
  
Damn Ringwraiths. Got stabbed. Sam cried, Pippin ate, Merry dug for carrots. Aragorn went hunting for stupid weed. Yeah. I'm dying here HELLOOO!! Elf girlfriend of pervy hobbit-fancier showed up and started speaking to him in jibbery elvish. Understood 'Fear not, Frodo,' . Of course I fear, doofus. You're some freakish glowy she-elf that has bad enough taste to date  
  
the King of pervy hobbit-fanciers.Tried to laugh but came out as squeaky gaspy noise. Damn Ringwraiths. Suffered through Aragorn having good look at manly hobbit chest to put some plant in the wound that only made it hurt more.*shudder* Well, it is probably time for me to go all freaky pale and shadowy and make more funny little noises. Bub-Bye.  
  
  
  
Year 3018  
  
October 24  
  
Awoke in Rivendell. Crazy wizard finally sees it fit to show up when I'm in grave danger. Hair smells like mango. If Sam has been giving me baths in my sleep again, will kill him. Met up with cousin Bilbo. Shall not go near him again. Went all buggy-eyed when he saw the Ring. Damn its call. On upper hand, did manage to grab Sting and mithril coat before scarpering out of the room!  
  
  
  
Year 3018  
  
October 25  
  
Went to some council that decided the fate of Middle Earth. Too busy laughing at gayish elf beside Gandalf wearing mascara to bother noticing what big headed elf man was saying. Something about taking the Ring to Mordor and who wants to. Thought as long as am away from that pervy hobbit- fancier, I'm going. Volunteered. Then Gandalf said he'd come. Then, to my utter dislike, Aragorn too. Then some pretty, nancing elf boy and some crazy newt covered with hair. Oh wait. Am realizing it was a dwarf. And also some shady old character from Gondor decided to not be left out. Bet he only volunteered to becuase he fancies trousers off Elfy boy. Then, of course, Sam and fool cousins had to come too. Drat. All in all, very bad day.  
  
  
  
Year 3018  
  
December 25  
  
Blasted Christmas. Set off from Riovendell with crazy bunch of yobbos.  
  
  
  
Year 3019  
  
January 11  
  
Up on stupid mountain. No food. Pippin ate it all. Fool of a Took. Too much snow. Legolas is nancing on top of snow. Gandalf getting angry. Boromir and Aragorn fighting over me again. Sam glaring, Pippin complaing he's hungry, Merry just walking (for once), Bill being sturdy ol' Bill. Can relate to pony. Looks annoyed by inscecent whines from Pippin. Fingers are freezing off. Ink too. Must go build fire before freeze to death. Hah. Maybe I should. Be rid of Aragorn and Boromir.  
  
  
  
Year3019  
  
January 12  
  
Still on Caradhras, dammit. Boromir is sulking. Suspect he may be pervy hobbit-fancier too. The whole Fellowship is gay, dammit! Aragorn stuck me on top of his shoulders. Won't let go of my feet. I guess hair on feet doesn't turn him off. Dang. Snatched dinner plateish sheild off Boromir's back and am using it for writing pad. Hat for Aragorn. Does not complain. Legolas still nancing and shouting about some fell voice on the wind. Gandalf yelling that it's Saruman. Uh oh. Big rumbling. Dammit. Covered in snow. Anything is better than this. Shall announce that we will go into silly mines of hairy newts...er...dwarves.  
  
  
  
Year 3019  
  
January 15  
  
In mines. I was wrong. Many things better than this including damn mountain. Pippin being a moron again. Gandalf is stealing my lines. Had a nasty bout with a cave troll. Got stabbed again. This is becoming a habit. Made funny noises again just for the fun of it. Luckily, wearing mithril coat. Whad'ya know. Bilbo WAS good for something! Gimli impressed (for the first time). Legolas killed cave troll. Huzzah! Got out and were surrounded by god awfully ugly orcs but they were scared off. Jumped across cracky staircase with prvy-hobbit fancier who kept pinching me. Crossed bridge of Kazad-Dhum. Got out alive! Huzzah! Go us! Ummmm....wait......something imporant happened....  
  
Oh yeah. Gandalf fell into shadow. Others expect he died. But knowing his tendency for living forever, bet he didn't.  
  
  
  
Year 3019  
  
February 14  
  
Arrived in Lothlorein. Valentines day! Get chocolates from Sam and a skinned squirrel from Aragorn. Refused so he ate it. Ick. Pippin just tried to cawl on me as usual. Meery gave me a carrot. Boromir......I don't want to talk about it.....ugh. Legolas gave me excellent backrub! Lorien very nice. Think I might be going crazy. Keep hearing whispering voices insied head saying stuff about my coming is as the footsteps of doom but also saying welcome. Bunch of crazy elf yobbos! Some stupid elves whom I couldn't tell if they were male or female came and brought us to the 'Lady of the Wood'. Turned otu to be some freakish 50000-year-old elf who kept whispering to everyone and telling us everything was going to fail, but that there was still hope. Um....right....Went to go sleep while silly elves sung lament for crazy wizard chap and Legolas wouldn't tell us what it meant because he would cry. Stupid nancy prancy elf. But oh! So pretty! Boromir cried and pervy hobbit-fancier comforted him. Must be a pervy man- fancier too. All went to sleep and I followed Galadriel down to mirror. Looked in it but didn't see anything. Decided to be dramatic and freak out. She told me she knew what I saw. Almost asked her to tell me. Refrained. Then she went all scary when I offered her the Ring so I was all like ' M'kay, so maybe I'll KEEP the Ring instead.' Want to leave Lorein now. Even squirrels are hitting on me. Aragorn eats them.  
  
  
  
Year 3019  
  
February 16  
  
Finally left freaky efl lady. Huzzah! She gave me pressie! Pretty light. But what the hell good will a light do ?? Sailing down river. Pippin sick. Throwning up carrot mulch. Ick. Gimli complainign and Legolas somehow rowing and brushing hair at same time.  
  
  
  
Year 3019  
  
February 17  
  
Still sailing. Came to big huge statues. Left one has breasts. Is that an elf or a ....er.....well...nevermind  
  
  
  
Year 3019  
  
February 19  
  
Boromir tried to steal Ring. Went invisible and punched him. Then he cursed all halflings and I punched him in the stomach. Then he got all teary and stuff and said he was sorry. Although I thought I heard something abotu he missed his chance at a cuddle. Errrr.....  
  
  
  
Year 3019  
  
February 20  
  
Boromir killed by orcs. Off to Mordor alone. It seems Sam thinks he is me too, as he has decided to come even though he agreed that I was going alone. Crazy yobbo. 


End file.
